Where to Focus

From girlhood I've wrestled with a propensity to leap from one project or focal point to another.  

I can recall my father's caution as bedtime neared: "It's getting late, Let's not start any big projects!"

Easier said than done. My brain has always been wired to be highly reactive to whatever is in front of me. When I'm in a zone I can be remarkably productive. But, when too many important questions or significant ideas crowd my thinking, my thought process becomes fragmented and frustrating.

Keeping a clear track was easier in the pre-digital age. Technology today makes it temptingly easy to jump even faster from one thing to another without fully completing any task well. List-making helps. So, here it goes:

Wily sarcoidosis symptoms, meds, and health effects

Given my ongoing ankle stiffness and pain flares, my rheumatologist in late June upped my  hydroxychloroquine (HCQ) from 300 to 400 mg a day. I started HCQ in late March to reduce sarcoidosis-driven inflammation. The medication though takes 3-4 months to reach steady state in the body and up to 12 months to achieve maximum effectiveness so I'm in a gray zone of sorts. A wild card remains unpredictable energy levels.

Meanwhile, years of steroids for asthma have weakened my bone density. I now sit on the precipice of osteoporosis. Years back, a doctor recommended 1200 mg of calcium daily and extra vitamin D to help my bones. I dutifully incorporated these supplements into my daily consumption. Well, guess what? Calcium and vitamin D fuel sarcoidosis complications. 

Now off the added calcium/vitamin D, I've been exploring an infusion of a bone building medication (administered once a year by IV) called Reclast. I've never had an IV-delivered drug. The side effects look scary and, of course, this therapy will involve another maddening protracted paperwork and approvals battle with my health insurance company. Ultimately, I want to maintain or strengthen my bones to reduce my fraction risk.

Also in June, I had my first gynecology appointment in 13 years. (Once I'd had my uterine ablation and stopped my monthly cycles, I relied on my PCP for overall care. General care was preferable to sitting in an ob/gyn office full of pregnant and nursing women.) But I digress. I wanted to check in with a specialist on my use of topical estrogen cream among other post-menopausal health concerns. I learned I hadn't been using my estrogen frequently enough. With more regular application I hope to get the full benefit of estrogen on my sleep, brain, bones, heart, etc. 

I've devoted countless hours since the two appointments researching how these systemic health issues fit together.

Exercise, Fitness, and Weight

My years-long health setbacks have had a seriously negative impact on my overall fitness and weight. When it hurts to move, one moves less. Less movement leads to more stiffness, longer recovery windows and more weight gain. More weight on joints makes joints more susceptible to inflammation and pain. Are you following the downward spiral here? In short, I hope to break the vicious cycle of pain and slowly gain ground and lose weight. But this will require still more time, focus and discipline. Sitting on my bathroom counter is a new prescription aimed at inflammatory pain reduction, Celebrex. I'm reluctant to start if due to side effects of cardiovascular thrombotic events (such as stroke or clots). Prior to losing my dad, he suffered a bleeding stroke in his mid-70s, and my mother has had multiple clots and is now on blood thinners. I'm caught between a rock and hard place.

Policy Misfires and Stupid People

Living in a place that gets overwhelmed routinely by ignorant and careless tourists has been wearing on my last nerve. For six years running -- from before the pandemic until now -- I've volunteered time to attend and report on local government meetings, state legislative committees and environmental agency workshops. Mirroring national U.S. policy development, big money/corporate interests have regularly warped and dominated decisions. A silver lining to the bang-my-head-against-the-wall volunteer work: there's a novel opportunity to submit a legislative recommendation to the state policy committee responsible for setting priorities in this part of the West. That committee deadline looms this Friday. I'm 75% sure I want to submit a cogent, actionable legislative proposal, but it will take hours of work and focus. So, say it with me: Ugh, I'm short on time and focus. Update 7/8: Legislative recommendations done!

Reproductive Justice and New Definitions

By odd coincidence, a respected Canadian academic caught up with me in mid-May and convinced me to by-line a piece on pronatalism and the myths of a birth rate crisis. The gist of the article is that sinister pronatalist policies like giving more votes to people with children and population decrease myth-making further marginalize childless (like me) and childfree (my co-author).  This piece generated still more interest in a larger project: participation in a new Reproductive Justice Encyclopedia. When we learned -- just in the nick of time -- that there was no space given to childless, childfree people in the encyclopedia, we convinced a team of encyclopedia editors to assign us new entries on those topics. Yay, yeah? Now I face a new work flow and another 2,000 word fully researched and research/source heavy writing deadline later this summer.

New Book on Childlessness

Lastly, at the same time, a respected European scholar reached out to share an advance copy of her new book just ahead of my trip to the Midwest. While I'd hoped to consume it during the trip, there was literally no time. It's a dense, deep dive into philosophy, trauma, cultural curation and involuntary childlessness -- all much needed and well researched. Therefore, I want to allocate the time it deserves to offer up a proper endorsement. Yet, as I dove in this weekend, I re-discovered why I usually avoid dense academic books. There's simply no easy way to absorb novel mind-altering paradigm shift frameworks. I'm rapidly closing in on the deadline for that ask, so that's also front and center. 

Needless to say, I'm feeling slammed. In relating these pre-occupations -- and more on my relationships and looming decisions on my future -- I realize I must get some fresh air and a little gentle exercise to clear my head and move my body. 

Promise to visit when I come up for air. If you have any further suggestions for focus, I'm all ears.