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One Day Seen, The Next Shunned


On Being Seen

Last Saturday, I participated in one of the World Childless Week webinar discussions. As in years past, I prepared for this gathering by reaching back to recall when I first discovered that I'd live a childless life. Each time I revisit the associated trauma that this realization exploded on my life, I'm reminded that even if the pain doesn't cut quite so deep, the shock and sadness lives inside me always. So why do I continue to participate in these public conversations? 

Well, when I appear among our tribe and share in the mutual compassion, gentleness and strength I know that were it not for being seen and understood to the core, I would not be the whole person I am today. That includes you, readers and friends. The sustenance that flows from such an amazing group of women--both in the chat, on the Zoom screen, and in the comments feels richly validating. We truly are all in this together. 

On Being Shut Down

That steady support sustains on days when the rest of the world diminishes our experience or renders us invisible. Days after the webinar, I learned from a fierce and smart writing colleague that a well-researched and fully-sourced piece we co-authored was turned down flat by Ms. Magazine with a cutting comment. Our article offered commentary on the harms visited upon women by the combined forces of the profit-driven ART industry, pronatalist policy makers, and well-meaning feminists who fail to acknowledge their 'motherhood at any cost' blind spots.

This was the response "Would not run this. Not nuanced enough and shames women/readers who rely on IVF/ART -- but thanks"

WTF??? Yeah, that's what I like to do in my spare time: shame women who pursue IVF/ART. Ironically, it was submitted for us by a man who works in media relations and respects my IVF survivor research, writing and life experiences along with those of my co-author, a child-free by choice woman of south Asian descent who is also a respected Canadian academic. She heads up an advocacy and education non-profit. The Ms. editor clearly didn't read the author bio links. 

Talk about disappearing an entire population of women simply because the editor's narrow mind can't comprehend that we exist. Not to be deterred, our media relations man is going to try to find a different home for the piece. 

Vax Updates

I spent my last Thursday in September getting my annual COVID and flu vaccines. Rates of both viruses -- along with Measles (!!) -- are ticking up around the U.S. 

I learned earlier this month that Moderna developed a new mRNA flu formulation that is 26% more effective than conventionally produced flu vaccines. The pharmacist warned me just before mid-day that early feedback indicated that the new shot's side effects (chills, aches, nausea and overall fatigue) were much more pronounced. Undeterred, I told her I preferred the added 26% protection. Shots procured, I prepared accordingly by hydrating and resting. I reached for Tylenol at 8pm when my head started to hurt. Well, some 16 hours later, 4 am Friday, I awoke with severe chills, nausea and a pounding headache and an overall sense of yuckiness. Clearly, my body was mounting a strong response to the virus vaxxes. I spent the rest of the day sipping Gatorade, water, and managing small bites. I took three different naps followed by a glorious shower in the evening. 

I feel fine today, but dang, I couldn't help but wonder what awaits with the U.S.'s growing Pro-Disease crowd (I refuse to call them anti-vaxxers; they are Pro-Plague plain and simple), and with the U.S. healthcare system getting more F*#cked up by the day. Add in the many people foregoing insurance entirely due to sky-high premiums. How many people walking around without commercial health insurance are going to pay sticker prices of $220 and $315 for each vaccine? You know what that means? Skyrocketing virus circulation rates are coming our way. 

Okay. The sun is shining. Autumn is here and I'm going to enjoy the day. I will relish time at dinner tonight with old friends who are in town and know our story. There is nothing better than being 100% visible. 

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